It's no big secret that I'm a huge audiobook fan. They've helped me escape the boredom of a long bus drive and the tedium of long house chores.
|The cover's pretty nice, tough|
On the side of the traitors(?) things are looking similarly shitty. The main villian, although calling him that is really pushing the term, is Izzakar Orr, a moustache-twirling sorcerer of the Thousand Sons. Orr is a typical Saturday morning cartoon villain, straight from a Scooby Doo episode, spewing threats and running away at the last possible moment, before the Wolves can punch his ticket. I always liked good attention to detail, so I was very impressed to learn that the Thousand Sons' Librarians wore blue power armor. It's also worth mentioning that the people of Prospero are apparently gaunt, despite living under a scorching sun and having been presented as dusky skinned in almost all, previous 40K stories. Good job there.
So anyway, the "Wolf Brothers" under Bulveye begin to chase the dastardly Orr through a series of magical portals, and if that sounds fucking stupid, that's because it is. The bluish madman leads them on a merry chase through time and space... literally. The Wolves visit the Planet of the Sorcerers, stand above a sun in the vacuum of space (don't ask), fight some Wulfen and... yeah, no one really cares. No one cares, because their adventures are presented in such a boring, uninspired way, that it is not even funny. When one of them dies, the reader doesn't feel anything, because there's a good chance that he did not even remembered the legionary's name, not to mention his unique traits. Assuming that he had any to begin with.
Badly written characters and atrocious story aside, "The Thirteenth Wolf" is also very poorly produced. The background sounds are way too loud, often making the speech of various characters impossible to understand. I know that Black Library's short stories tend to use ambient sound a lot, but never before have I met with them being such poorly utilised. Not only that, but the actors speaking their lines also don't help. Sometimes they whisper so quietly that even turning the volume up to the maximum level did not helped. Few of the characters slur or speak in a growling voice, that makes it all but impossible to understand what the hell they are saying. However the absolute worst part came, when Bulveye and Orr spoke to each other across a huge chamber. When the old wolf spoke, he could be heard loud and clear, but with the Thousand Son, they've decided to make his voice sound, like he was standing a couple dozen meters away. The final effect was that he couldn't be heard at all, and cranking the volume up did not helped, except having my ears bombarded with decibles, when it was Bulvey's turn to speak and I did not had time to lower the sound. It was really unpleasant, to put it lightly.
|It's almost as fun as listening to one of those guys in a small room, with good interior acoustics|
- It ends... eventually.
- Boring story.
- Heroes are bland and uninteresting.
- The villain is ridiculous and completely non-threatening.
- Very poor production quality.
- It's 68 minutes too long.
- You have to actually pay money for this thing. This should be illegal in itself.
- Hell, the fact that it exists at all is bad enough to warrant an Exterminatus on the whole Black Library.
I need a fantasy fix, which is why my next post will contain a good portion of the good, Old World. Stay tuned.
Until next time!